people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
