oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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