Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
high people should be assigned attendants
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
