3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize