Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
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so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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