I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
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You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
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So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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