i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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