woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize