so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
