After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I wish there were birth control emojis
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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