How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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