nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
