I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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