I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
The power of my boobs compel you
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
