i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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