K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
