I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
