I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
