He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
