dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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