I just pynch a tree in the face
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize