Yo dont text me then not text me
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
she looked like the before picture.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
