ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just pynch a tree in the face
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
