i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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