my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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