I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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