My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
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