hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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