Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
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One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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