Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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