Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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