yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
