Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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