They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
