Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
