she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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