I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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