Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
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Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
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I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize