Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
