Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Randomize
