Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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