He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
