we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Damn victory sex feels great
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
