After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
