I just saw a hot homeless man
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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