just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
MIDGETS
????
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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