You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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