If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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