I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize