Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
