i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
