He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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