You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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