Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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