Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
