I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
