By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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