I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
did you just send me my own nude
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
