Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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