Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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