She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
