Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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