i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize