thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
