you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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