Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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