new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
