Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
