A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
