shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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