Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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